and then she snapped: camden

camden

This is Camden.

I love this sweet boy of mine. He has the kindest heart.

Last night he climbed in my bed at 2:00am because he had a bad dream. He was sobbing because he had dreamt that Charlie died. He asked if he could he please just sleep in my bed? Of course I let him.

This breaks my heart for so many reasons. I mean, what kind of seven year old has dreams about their baby brother dying?

One whose baby sister really did die, and his uncle, and his nana, all within one terrible year of one another, that's who. This sensitive boy has witnessed too much death and it has definitely affected his heart.

Tonight he was getting ready for bed and started crying again because he was worried he was going to have the same dream. I told him that people usually don't have the same dream again, and that Charlie is fine. But really I just want to snuggle him til he falls asleep.

When Charlie was a little baby he had a slight temperature, nothing worrisome, but Camden immediately thought that that meant he was going to die. It sounds morbid, but that's all Camden knew. His baby sister had died just a year earlier. He didn't know that babies got sick and didn't die.

So tonight when I was tucking him in he told me that he misses Mina. He does this probably once a month or so, just cries for his lost sister. He asked how old she would be now. He said he wished that she didn't die because Charlie would really have so much fun with her. He said he didn't even ever get to hold her very much. Just once.



We talked about how we could be happy for Mina, because in heaven nobody is ever sick, or sad, and he said he thought maybe Uncle Pete was playing with her like he used to play with him. I said I bet that was just exactly right.

32 comments:

  1. Such a tender soul. I didn't know you had been through all of this. I hope you will all know years and years of cuddles with each other.

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  2. I'm glad that Camden can express his thoughts to you -- that's half the battle, Rachel. Such a sweet, sensitive boy. :)

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  3. Oh my. How terribly heart-wrenching. For you and for him. But how wonderful that you have each other to talk to . . . and cuddle with. Hugs to you.

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  4. I am just so, so sorry, friend. I love you, and the girls LOVE Camden and I think I will let Ava give him a kiss the next time we see each other.

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  5. What a sweet, big hearted boy you have...I just want to hug him!

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  6. what a sweet, sensitive, caring soul. Poor guy, been through a lot at his young age. So sweet that he knows Mina is in Heaven playing with Pete! My heart aches knowing your family went through such a hard time.

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  7. Everyone feels vulnerable at times.

    My kids kept 'visiting mum & dad's bed' til they were 10, and after that, sometimes I would still lay on top of their blankets while they were going to sleep. I want to lay with someone when I've had a nightmare! Why wouldn't my babies? <3 Hugs to Camden and Charlie

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  8. He us so sweet. what a beautiful heart he has.

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  9. He us so sweet. what a beautiful heart he has.

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  10. Oh my- what a heavy thing for such a young one (or anyone) to discus & deal with. What a sweet boy! Prayers for you & your family as he works though this.

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  11. awww what a sweet boy. Thank you for sharing this-I wish I could hug you all!

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  12. Breaks my heart. I love that kid (well, all of your kids...) And I'm sure you're right about Pete and Mina - I'm glad she gets a loving uncle and I'm glad he gets one of your amazing kids to be uncle to :)

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  13. I didn't know that your family experienced such a loss. I am sorry for you and for your family. What a sweet boy...now I know better how to pray for your family and especially Camden.

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  14. oh this is such a sad but sweet story...poor little boy, but he'll grow up so sensitive and thoughtful and kind because of it I'm sure :)

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  15. That just breaks my heart, but you should be proud to have raised such a loving little boy.

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  16. Oh Rachel... I am so sorry. And I bet they are playing together. What a tender heart he has... and what a great mom to learn from.

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  17. Oh my goodness thank you so much for sharing this story. :( you raised such a sweet little boy. you are a wonderful mama.. just breaks my heart and i just wanted to give you *hug*

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  18. What a sweet boy! I am crying now.

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  19. Oh he is the sweetest boy ((HUGS)) He reminds me of my Isaac who we actually call Sweets.(he's 8) We lost our oldest little girl at 2 1/2 mths old to SIDS in 2006 & although our Lord blessed us with our Gabrielle who just turned 5 this past Tuesday Isaac & Gabi now ask about their sister & Isaac although he was only just 3 when she passed says he misses her and actually remember moments with her. I was blessed enough that I took so many pictures before she passed and them looking at them helps & was blessed with a friend who took Anjie's PJ's an made teddy bears for my boys and 1 for me (which now Gabi uses) My oldest is 13 and sleeps w/his Anjie bear every night as each of the kids. It has comforted them as well as myself for that matter at times. So reading this post touches me that much more. I tell the kids that Anjie is watching them and giggling at the silly things they do and it helps to turn the tears and why to giggles and telling me what they think she might be doing.. Hugs to you darling & your sweet Boy.

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  20. That's heartbreaking. And I so know.

    Hugs for Camden.

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  21. oh my gosh, this really made me sad. camden is a really sweet boy.

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  22. So sad :( And such a sweet sweet boy you have.

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  23. Camden is so handsome and tender-hearted....Mina is so beautiful....you've done good Mommy! Hug your boy from me! xoxo

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  24. Hi love..

    I didn't know about this pain in your life.. I'm sorry you had to go through this.. But Camden is such a sweet kid.. as are all the others..

    I'll say a prayer his dreams are happy ones tonight. <3

    Beautiful picture.
    Love you.
    <3xojo

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  25. That is a lot for a boy his age to have experienced, but he has wonderful parents and you should be proud of the job you have done with him. It is very precious that he is communicating his feelings with you instead of hiding them inside. His kind heart will serve him well through life!

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  26. Oh Rachel. I do't know what to say. He is such a wonderful and kind kid.
    I love how you always are so happy and positive, full of love and courage. It rubs off on us all!

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  27. Heart breaking and beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss of Mina. Camden is seems like such a special and insightful boy. Prayers for your whole family!

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  28. Camden has such a tender heart. He has witnessed too much loss, but has done it in the amazing care of an incredible mom! Love you, love Camden, can't wait to meet Mina someday. xoxo!

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  29. Oh that beautiful boy of yours :)
    Such a proud Mummy I am sure you are.
    Thank you for sharing.

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